My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
