Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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