it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
