the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
