Sacagawea was the original milf.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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