that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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