I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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