No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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