I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
