Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
