i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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