i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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