yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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