I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
