When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
