If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
