I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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