What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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