She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
