I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think my moral compass just broke
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
