K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
