If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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