Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
