i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I haven't been this sober since birth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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