Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
