If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
