i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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