Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
