Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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