she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
