I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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