yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
