shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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