if only i could text you this smell
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
