There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
