I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
