Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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