yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
