do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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