You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
