Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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