That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
