Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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