I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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