and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
