do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
