i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
