if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
