do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
