Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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