I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
