Pants 0. Shit 1.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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