she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
