Duck Duck Cougar?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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