I want to stick my p in your. b.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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