bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
