Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
