He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
