Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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