pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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