i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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