you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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