4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just pynch a tree in the face
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
