Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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