Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
