im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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