i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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