smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
