so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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