no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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