Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
