Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
