he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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