can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
