We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
