my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
