Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
