you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You smell like stripper and shame
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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