I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
