Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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