Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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