literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
