like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
