I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
