She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
