ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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